Last night I went through my second round of prodromal labor.
According to FitPregnancy.com its "contractions and/or other labor signs that begin much in the way that traditional labor does, but that do not result in the birth of your baby."
Yesterday I went through four hours of real contractions with beginning symptoms of labour only they never got past 15 minutes apart.
So I took a bath but they got worse. I almost peed on my self during one. So I finished packing my bags while my sister helped take care of my girls.
prodromal or practice labour is so emotionally draining. First of all - I'm like, "why do you need to psych me out? I've already done this labour thing twice!"
Secondly it's makes me feel a bit crazy in the head - like your over reacting to normal pregnancy symptoms. It's a good thing I didn't go to the hospital! Then there is the fact that Baby Hedge isn't full term for another 30 minutes, so on paper he would have been born premature and I would have probably had to go to a different hospital for his care and the L&D staff would have been hyper active about the labor if I had gone in. My Midewife told me today to try to hold him in for one more day. Laugh.
I could be an Eeyore about it and hold to the belief that "Well most likely I will be one of those moms who "labors" the whole month before her baby's due date only to have a super long actual labor too"
Or I could just accept that I don't know the future ...
I started printing out little affirmation posters last night and chuckled at some of the things I found....
"I birth with ease" "this baby will come out of my vagina" "believe you can and you will"
I get that these are supposed to help strengthen us and keep us focussed in labour but my thought was ... first of all my labors have never been easy no matter how positive I was. Secondly, nothing is ever certain.... I could plan the most beautiful natural birth - or even medicated assisted birth and yet it could go awry. I've heard of some women's labor going too fast to have time to get medication. And then there are crazy sad unexplainable things that can happen.
The only thing that is supposedly certain is that God knows what is going to happen, and knows what is best for us and is directly involved in the birth and the life of the baby.
Job 12:9-10 Which of all these does not know that the hand of the LORD has done this? In his hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind...
I can't explain why he lets babies die or mamas bodies be ripped to shreds during a labor.
But the reassuring thing to me is that He knows. He is not an uncaring and non-present God... no...
And I believe I will one day be shown why he let my friend's baby die, or let the woman suffer so much in childbirth....
Cause right now he told me "I am working all things together for the good"
So I printed off some different affirmation cards instead and a picture of a Hedgehog on the beach to make me smile and remind me they have to birth something with spines on it.
And ultimately as I lay here each night wondering if these contractions are real or not, I am just going to have to
Let it go.
And feel his hiccups for the last time. And enjoy the rest of this exciting time of life as it may be my last pregnancy.
Maybe he will meet me tonight. Thank you dear one for waiting at least til midnight so that you are no longer considered a premie.
But even if you had come way too early I would have had to let my worries, control freak ways, and questions go....
PEACE in the answers already given to me.
So rest in peace tonight dear friends and let it go.