I have a confession to make. I really envy those moms who just seem to know what to do in the moment. Who have this calm about them. They keep their cool when their kid is screaming like a terridactal in the Publix cookie isle. They know how to redirect attention, allow for natural consequences or reward on queu.
I wish I could say that is me, but there has been more than once where I’ve cried, even screamed over spilled milk.
I was educated in grad school on how to lead and facilitate positive discipline classes with parents. But who knew how hard it would be when the time came to actually implement what I learned on my own self and kids after becoming a parent.
Im definitely a work in progress.
Here are a few things I have learned and relearned the last few months while trying to apply this positive discipline approach.
This word is so full of meaning. I challenge you to do your own study on it. Jane Nelson is the leading expert in the field of Adlerian Children Psychology. She states:
“When you truly understand that mistakes are opportunities to learn,
This is a new twist to the word grace for me. But I feel that it is relevant. If I don’t let mistakes control my reactions but instead view them as a chance for growth for all of us, that stuck in the mud feeling disappears quickly and learning is again made fun.
Mom Time Outs
In a perfect world I would love to just turn on the TV and hide in my dark warm bed for even 10 minutes. The reality? Taking a deep breath in the moment while three kids all are freaking out about the ever evasive donut (hat I never offered) can be difficult. I can’t retreat to the bathroom or my room either for concern of the safety of one or more of my Pocket People. So closing my eyes and counting to five outloud has proven helpful. Wearing a beaded bracelet and snapongneach bead on my wrist to help diffuse my frustration (or my red hot anger- lets be real) can help.
May children sometimes count with me.
sometimes I yell at Google Home to turn on some happy music.
Anything to divert the topic so I can catch my sanity as it runs out the door.
I have read this both in Nelson’s book and on several other blogs. When I find where I will share! But timing is everything. It’s like a preventative healthcare plan for living life with preschoolers. Pre planning for meals, and rest time can save you lots of tears. I learned quickly with my first child who struggled with transitions that one outing a day at this age is about all we can handle. I plan an errand or my work out in the am. Pack snacks. And that is all we do. The rest of the day is spent at home learning how to perform chores, reading, creative free play, swimming and a consistent quiet time.
Eliminating Stress and Caffeine
My mama friend and I were talking yesterday about how wierd caffeine makes us. It makes us cranky and nervous. I get more anxious and don’t sleep as well.
This is may not be true for everyone, but I did a quick google search and there have been many studies linking anxiety and caffeine as a trigger.
“In psychiatric in-patients, caffeine has been found to increase anxiety, hostility and psychotic symptoms. Assessment of caffeine intake should form part of routine psychiatric assessment and should be carried out before prescribing hypnotics.”2
Ive also found that when I’m stressed about other things in my life I tend to take it out on my kids by being more angry and impatient with them. Dealing with my own stress and taking some time for self care can help me deal with the simple day to day of heading my cats, I mean kids.
I will take some time in a different blog to unpack what self care can look like. But for now I don’t need to overwhelm us anymore. This week go find your Zen!